A blog about my journey of training to run a 1/2 marathon with Team In Training and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and beyond.

Friday, March 1, 2013

It's No Fun Having to Start Over, But...

There is a motivational picture/saying that I see often that says something like: If you don't want to start over, stop quitting. While that sounds logical and good in theory, it just isn't possible for some people. I am one of those people. I am chronically "starting over",  but not because I'm a quitter. It's quite the opposite actually. If I was a quitter, I wouldn't get up, dust myself off, and start all over every time that I get knocked down. I know that most of you know this already, but for any newbies out there, I have lupus. I have a rather mild case in that I have pain (most often tolerable without medication pain), joint and extremity inflammation, and discoloration (usually red, blotchy attractiveness). But I function normally, sometimes just a little more slowly. This, however, can cause a little bit of a problem for me when the cold weather hits. I hurt more, swell more, and have to decrease my exercise due to stiffness. So any advances that I make in the summer and fall disappear in the winter. Poof! Gone up in smoke like a new year's resolution. So every spring I start over.

This winter has been exceptionally hard for me. I had the flu for almost two weeks (thank you, weakened immune system) and have had dental surgery with complications. That's on top of all my lupusy goodness. I have been a barrel of fun and laughs for the past couple of months. But my family and friends have toughed it out and been uber supportive and loving. They are just as ready for me to get back to running as I am, though.

So here I am, on the edge of a precibus, with the decision to start all over or give up. If I start over, I will have to do the same things that I have done before. I will have the same struggles that I have had before and possibly some new ones. I will have to start all freaking over again! And it's never an easy road for me.
I have a such multitude of reasons why I do it that it would be impossible to list them all, but...
I do it because I still can.
I do it for my family.
I do it for my sanity.
I do it because this disease does not define who I am.
I do it because this disease will not limit me.
I do it to feel better about myself.
I do it to feel better.
I do it to prove to myself that I can.
I do it to inspire others.
I do it because I love it.
I do it because I'm NOT a quitter.
The flu, a torn muscle, a cold, surgery, life. All of these things can get in your way. All of these things can cause you to have to start over. It happens! So will you start over or will you give up?
Peace, Love, and New Beginnings!

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